The sun was warm on my skin, the air smelled like honeysuckle, and Denali was pressed up against my leg chewing on a stick she found. Sitting on the damp grass in the backyard of my childhood home, I realized that I could not remember the last time I simply sat in stillness – without distraction, without worrying about where I had to be, and without thinking about something I should be doing instead.

If I was back in New Jersey just a couple weeks earlier, I might have been peeking at my phone while scratching behind Denali’s ear – missing the chance to sit in peace and soak up the sunshine, the fresh air, and the quiet.

At some point I developed a bad habit – starting my day staring at a small glowing screen – my head still on the pillow and eye mask pressed up onto my forehead. In my half slumber, I would scroll through Instagram, peek at Facebook, move on to Snapchat, before skimming through emails and texts that came in while I was asleep. Instead of easing into the day – I would start most mornings bombarded by information streaming in through the variety of social media sites. Falling asleep at night, the routine was no different.

Growing up, instead of staring at a phone before falling asleep, my eyes were always glued to the inside of a book. Fighting heavy eyelids, I would devour page after page into the wee hours of the night – Dragon Rider, Gregor the Overlander, Judy Bloom, Because of Winn-Dixie. With a kiss goodnight and a tight tuck of the sheets, my parents would do their best to get me settled for bed – only to later find me with a head lamp strapped on, the sheets pulled over my head so I could keep reading even if my room appeared to be blanketed in darkness. I could so easily get lost in the magic of a story or my own imagination.

While I still love to curl up with a good book, lately, I spend a lot more time curled up with my phone as I fall asleep at night.

And it’s not just before bed that my phone is sucks up precious time – on line at Trader Joe’s, waiting for a hotel elevator, sitting in an airport – scroll, scroll, scroll.

So often, I fill up all the space – tuned in to Netflix, texting friends, checking email – that I rarely give my brain a moment of peace and quiet. By the time I go to bed at night I could collapse into a slumber the second my head hits the pillow, but instead of reflecting on my day as I drift off, I constantly find myself tuned in and scrolling.

When I was studying to become a yoga teacher, we learned about the five elements that Ayurveda collectively considers the building blocks of nature – ether, air, fire, water, and earth. The first of the five elements, ether, loosely translates to space or the essence of emptiness. It is believed to be the element that holds all objects in the universe, yet is without form.

In the physical body, ether governs the space in places like the throat, neck, and even sinus cavity. The more I read about ether, the more I realized how protective we should all be about this sacred space.

We’ve all experienced getting a ‘lump in our throat,’ having a ‘pain in the neck,’ or ‘needing our space.’ That’s no coincidence. Even art looks more balanced when you create a little empty ‘negative space.’ It’s just better when we don’t try to fill everything up. And I mean everything. But most of us are often very uncomfortable with empty space and quietude, but we have a habit of not liking things that are good for us. – Maggie Begley

Somehow, social media slowly and sneakily grew into a major time suck in my life. Instead of embracing a bit of space, I found myself constantly reaching for my phone. Craving a distraction and a constant feed of new information, I would mindlessly scroll, click, double-tap, share, read…

Does my constant use of social media really make my life that much better?

It was a stroke of luck that I talked to Mary Kate just a few days before Lent.

Growing up, my mom always suggested that instead of giving up something like chocolate or soda, I should try to give up something with a bit more substance, like passing judgment or impatience versus cutting out a food group. The challenge is not only that it’s hard to measure progress but it requires constantly acknowledging and addressing a bad habit. It’s easier to cut out soda then to cut out being judgmental.

After chatting with Mary Kate, I was inspired to follow her lead and take a break from social media. I wasn’t sure what to expect from a social media hiatus (except mild withdrawal) but if nothing else, I was pretty sure that quitting it cold turkey for a little while would help me see the myriad of ways that social media influences my daily life.

Back in Seattle after an annual family ski trip, I took a day trip to Crystal Mountain with a friend. A bluebird day, it was a contender for best weather and conditions of the season, complete with unobstructed views of Mt Rainier. The sky was a deep, rich baby blue and the snow was glowing. I skied toward the edge of the ridge-line to take a picture after exiting the lift, and the without realizing, I instinctively thought to open Instagram and post it on my story.

At this point, it was day four of my social media cleanse. I was shocked at myself. There I was, stealing from the beauty of the present by worrying more about sharing the view than actually experiencing it.

Is social media a terrible beast, baiting me to share and exploit every experience, or is it my own thought patterns that need some work?

As I stood there in my skis, I wasn’t so sure of the answer.

I hosted a post-ski-potluck-dinner at my apartment in Seattle that night. While my kitchen is not quite big enough to fit even two people without bumping elbows, the oven only shuts completely if I use miniature baking sheets or turn full size ones at an angle, and the lack of overhead lights make my apartment feel like a cave after the sun sets – we ate, laughed, and ate some more.

Sitting across from Nate and Khrystyna, I started to tell them about my latest endeavors and travels – a lot of which they already knew thanks to my constant use of social media earlier that week. While they were able to follow my every move skiing in Sun Valley with my family, they had not heard or seen anything since Tuesday of that week – including my adventures at Crystal that very day.

As I told Nate and Khrystyna about the weather at Crystal and the incredible views of Mt. Rainier, I pulled out my phone to show them the pictures I took, and it made me smile to see their reactions in person. Every Seattle-ite really is as obsessed with Rainier as I am, and a good day in Seattle is when the mountain is out and shining for everyone to see!

Guys the reason this wasn’t on my story was because I gave up social media, Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, until Easter!  Their reaction confirmed exactly why I needed a break from social media. Marissa you post everything – how are we supposed to know what you are up to and where you are!? They had a very valid point. Countless times, I’ve started to tell a friend a story and I’m met with yea, I know you did that… yea I know you were there.

For a brief moment, I’m always left a bit confused… how did you know I was… until I realize that posting on social media means there’s a pretty good chance people actually see what you are up to. It’s a weird phenomenon. Sometimes, it feels almost automatic to post and share what’s happening in real-time, more of a knee-jerk reaction than something I consciously think about.

When I do take the time to think about it though, as I have quite a bit this month, it’s actually a bit startling when you realize that everyone within your social network knows what you’re up to and where you are at any given time, if you allow for it. Taking the time to step back from it all, I realized that I’ve become so accustomed to sharing what I’m doing on an hourly basis that I hardly stop to acknowledge the implications of my actions.

That following Monday, day 6 sans social media, I was driving north after teaching yoga when I noticed that the buildings to my left had this intense orange glow. I glanced to the right and was so struck by the intensity of the sunrise that I had to pull over. Taking the next right, I parked at the top of a hill on a side street facing east and stared at a sky painted with fiery orange, bubblegum pink, and a soft periwinkle color, framed by the Cascade Mountains  – the sun just starting to peek over the mountaintops.

As I sat in my parked car, I felt like I did not even have the capacity to take it in. There’s no way this place is real, I thought to myself. I sat in Jüby girl in complete awe of the show taking place before my eyes. After sitting silently for a minute or so, I grabbed my phone and FaceTimed my mom.

It was 10AM on the east coast, and my mom was trying to get work done, but she answered my call and I flipped the camera around so she could see the sunrise with me. Mom, I know that you are working right now but can you please look at this sunrise… I need to share it with someone. LOOK AT THIS PLACE!

In a couple months, it will be almost a year since I moved to Seattle and still, every time I look out over the Olympics or the Cascades I’m in complete awe. I always have to remind myself that the mountains are real, not painted or drawn into the sky.

Facetiming with my mom from my car that morning and being able to share something beautiful that I was experiencing over a five-minute video call brought me immense joy. It made me feel a little bit closer to my mom that morning, despite being thousands of miles away.

Seeing something beautiful and sharing it in that moment helps me feel connected.

Thinking back on day I skied at Crystal, the image of Mt Rainier is still seared into my memory. I can still hear the crunch of the snow under my skis, still feel the slight chill I had since I left my fleece layer behind in Seattle, and I can still vividly picture how the snow was sparkling that day. Standing on that ridge-line, I breathed in crisp cold mountain air, saw something beautiful and kept the moment for myself.

Being mesmerized and cherishing a moment – alone – can be just as special as sharing it.

Soaking in the views at Crystal moment was a treat. An even sweeter treat, was being able to share pictures and a moment with Nate and Khrystyna in person, even if they hadn’t been at the top of the mountain with me. For me, there’s just as much joy in that.

While social media can be destructive to happiness and self esteem – leaving us to feel left out or under the impression that we have boring and mundane lives compared to those that we follow, there is also something inherently social about social media, when used in the right way.

It was not until three weeks in to my social media hiatus that the novelty of my new social-media-free-life started to wear off. It was the first time that giving up social media made me feel withdrawn.

Just the week before, I flew to Atlanta for our sales kickoff meeting – which meant I got to see so many of my favorite human beings all under one roof for three full days. What breaks my heart is that these same friends are literally scattered throughout the world, taking a piece of my heart with them when every time we all say goodbye.

My cheeks hurt from smiling and I was able to ignore sleep deprivation that week since I was running on pure joy, adrenaline, and the occasional can of Coca-Cola. When I boarded the plane back to Seattle on Friday, I put my headphones on and listened to music with my eyes closed for the full five-and-a-half-hour flight. I hovered in and out of sleep as best I could (I’m cursed and can’t actually fall asleep on planes) and when we landed in, the reality that kickoff was over hit me hard.

It’s impossible for us to be a part of each other’s everyday, and I didn’t realize how social media and technology helps me feel closer and connected – in a positive way.

Every time we are all together, I can’t believe how quickly the time passes by and I never feel like I have enough time to catch up with everyone. I texted Portia that night that all I wanted was a girl’s night in – to order pizza and giggle our way through stories from the week. I was so distraught and restless in fact, that I went on a run through Capitol Hill even though I probably should have just gone to bed and caught up on some sleep.

The brief days of connection I had with friends made me realize something. Social media isn’t all bad – for years it’s been a way for me to stay connected to everyone that I love who can’t be part of my everyday.

Other days though, denying myself of social media felt freeing. I had so much more time, literally more space in my brain for thoughts, and felt more present in the quiet and mundane moments of the day. Seeing friends after two or so weeks away from Seattle, I actually got to hear what they had been up to for the past couple weeks and share where I had been.

While social media can be a tool for fostering connection across thousands of miles, giving up the constant use of it actually made me feel more connected to the people around me.

Facetiming with Brooke a month or so ago, I had not seen or heard anything about the community event that she organized in Beaumont. I was lucky enough to hear about it and share in the excitement as she reminisced on the day, telling me all the details, which meant a lot more than double tapping any picture she would have posted on Instagram.

When I think about my relationship with social media, I realize that there’s nothing inherently evil about an endless feed of pictures, videos, messages, and articles that chronicle the lives of those that I love.

Maybe it makes me crazy, but I guilty that I get to live in a place as beautiful as Seattle and I feel selfish for experiencing the beauty here. Every time I see snowcapped mountains or a rainbow, I wish those that I love were beside me, seeing it too.

Overwhelmed by that sunrise, it didn’t seem fair that I got to see it and no one else did. I had a similar feeling hiking this past summer – the beauty of the mountains out here has literally brought me to tears, something I want everyone I know and love to be able to experience every single day with me.

Social media can be a beautiful way to connect, so long as it doesn’t become a crutch for being disconnected to life. It can be tempting to use social media as a way to fill up empty space and it can foster a dangerous habit of focusing more on what you don’t do or don’t have versus all that blessings and people that make your life exciting.

My fear of missing out on experiences with friends back home on the East Coast or the pressure to see the many beautiful places I scroll past on Instagram only steals from the beauty of my present.

Now that Easter has passed, I’ve logged back into Instagram, Facebook, and Snapchat. Social media is means to connect and a way to be inspired – by recipes, beautiful travel destinations, and friends’ adventures.

A craving for connection and a desire to be inspired makes us human.

Social media does not have to be something that just eats up space and time.

In yoga, and in life, it’s easy to operate on auto-pilot and not question why we do what we do. In a yoga class, we all look in the mirror and around the room, picking up the sense that there is an unwritten expectation for how a given pose should look.

Trying so hard to express a pose the way we think it should look and ignoring how it actually feels in our body misses the point. Take triangle pose for example – try too hard to bring your hand to the ground and you risk crunching your side body, ultimately constricting your breathing and missing the whole point of the pose – breathing deeper.

Don’t be so caught up in the act of what you’re doing that you lose the why.

For me, it means using social media in a more conscious way – to feel connected, inspired, and grateful, without letting it steal my time or the peace and quiet that I crave.

Cheers to tuning in to the magic of the present.

hugs,

marissa