Anxiety, nausea, sadness, relief, grace, guilt, gratitude, happiness – I cannot remember the last time I felt so many varying emotions in a two week time period. It’s difficult to describe the emotions that surface not only the anticipation of a hurricane, but in being witness to it, and seeing the aftermath. A sense of relief has washed over Houston as the flood waters recede, and ironically we have had the brightest, most beautifully sunny days over the last two weeks. Amidst the suffering, I have seen such displays of humanity and compassion that have brought me to tears. For a city so battered by the wrath of a storm, I have been witness to an overwhelmingly loving and compassionate community that has relied on one another to be stronger and kinder post-hurricane.
It’s easy to go through the motions of a routine, and Harvey struck my core and reminded me that when you have been blessed, it is more important than ever to extend those blessings to those around you and to receive the blessings you have been given. Throughout the storm, I was contacted by family and so many friends about my well-being. Even though we are separated by thousands of miles, the outpouring of love brought me to tears and made me feel so incredibly lucky. My mom always knows how to make me feel better (and is better at using emojis than anyone else that I know). Even from thousands of miles away, she helped me realize that while you cannot choose what comes your way, and no doubt challenges will, it’s more about how you learn from and respond to those challenges.
After the rain started to lighten and it was clear that the worst of the storm was over, it was a weird mix of relief and guilt that I felt. Watching the news and hearing stories of families huddled together on a roof, waiting to be rescued, it seemed unfair that I was okay, just exhausted from anticipation of the worst. Because of the storm, I could not catch my flight back east to travel to Ireland with my mom and sister as we had planned for Labor Day, but even so, I still felt lucky and blessed to be safe and dry – knowing that we would have the chance to travel all together sometime soon.
On the Tuesday after the storm, Jenn (my cousin) and I were able to drive to RacePace and run for nearly an hour on the treadmill. Being able to run after being cooped up for close to a week was so needed and helped get our creative juices flowing. By the time we were back at Enrique’s house in the heights, all three of us had posted on Instagram and Facebook calling for donations.
The roads had started to clear which also meant we were starting to see and hear firsthand how battered the storm left the city. Not sure what the response would be to our calls for donations, we ate dinner and decided to try to drive to the George R Brown Convention Center and assist as volunteers. It felt almost post apocalyptic driving around our city of Houston. Parts of downtown were dark, as they had no electricity, so many of the lights were flashing red, and barely anyone was on the roads. The GPS had us weave through neighborhoods, because even though the rain had stopped, so many roads were still inaccessible due to high water.
As we approached the convention center, we were actually turned away, the reason being that there were already enough volunteers, and they kindly asked us to come back the next day. Throughout the past week, I’ve been surprised time and time again that there is an abundance of people willing to help in any way that they can. This hurricane has been devastating, but has also been a display of true human compassion. It seems like everyone in Houston is trying to find how they can help those who have suffered tremendously from the hurricane.
On Labor Day, I signed up to take a free community yoga class at Big Power Yoga in Houston, which was really special because the owner, Nancy Perry, pledged to personally donate $10 to Harvey relief for every person that attended one of her classes (that whole week). As a group of 80, we sweat and flowed together, even leaning on one another through some of the poses as a reminder that we ARE stronger together and that the answer to “how” is us. Nancy addressed the reality that many of us were feeling guilty at that moment, and reminded everyone in that room that feeling guilty is not serving or nourishing to ourselves or anyone.
As human beings, it is our duty to receive the blessings that we are given. For all of us, we know the time will come when we will experience trauma, grief, heartbreak, devastation – it’s what it means to be human. In the times that we are blessed and spared, it is more important and ultimately impactful to accept these blessings with grace, and instead of being frozen in guilt, taking a stand and asking “what can I do for others?” As the donations continued to roll in, I found myself holding back tears. Already, I had seen displays of community, love and generosity daily in Houston, but social media had allowed me to connect with another community – friends and family from New Jersey (Tennessee and Florida too!) and my incredible Jasper family as well.
This past Friday, Jenn and I went to Fran’s class – who happens to double as an awesome human being AND yoga teacher – and she thanked me for creating a space for her to contribute. For me, I am so grateful that each of you has created a space for me to contribute as well. You have trusted me with your donations to positively impact this community, and that is not a responsibility that I hold lightly. As the donations rolled in, I could not even sleep. My mind was racing – how can I make the biggest impact? Am I doing enough? At times, I felt like it was two full time jobs I was balancing… my marketing job at ExxonMobil and this new non-profit that I was helping to manage.
While Harvey left me feeling emotionally exhausted, it also filled me with a light and purpose. I could not even fall asleep at night, as I tracked Facebook posts and events to see what supplies were needed where, if the crowd-source spreadsheet I found for donations and supplies had been updated, and making rough plans for what supplies could be distributed to which locations. Some days, the time before work (and after work) has been spent dropping supplies off, purchasing supplies, even opening a new checking account and creating a spreadsheet to track donations and expenses.
My sister, Alessandra, is like my mom in that she knows exactly what I need to hear to feel better. She sent me this quote that really fit ALL the feels of the week.
Harvey, you have created a big crack in Houston, but I plan to find the light! Sending love to all of you!
XO Marissa
