For months, I could not accept that I was leaving. I would say the words, but it never seemed real. I had spent all of my childhood in the same house in New Jersey, surrounded by friends, family, warm summers and cold winters. Texas? Did I actually think I could move there, just me? Recently a friend of mine asked me how I knew that I could move away. I sat there speechless. I admitted that I never really thought about whether I could or couldn’t.
Coming out of school with a job offer was such a relief, it hadn’t occurred to me to ever say no. Looking back, I wonder if a subconscious part of me knew that I would not only be okay, I would be really happy and realize the choice to move has been both the scariest and most exhilarating choice I’ve made in my life to date. So often I’m critical of myself for playing it safe, never being bold enough, not taking enough risk. As I sat at lunch I began to see it differently. Yes, I guess moving across the country alone armed with high hopes, a college degree, and 67 boxes (how I’ve acquired that much stuff I still don’t know…) was a risk I was willing to take.
Looking back on the past seven months, I could never have anticipated how much graduating from college and barreling full force into the working world would teach me about myself. While I have learned what it means to actually be busy (how do moms do it?), and while I still forget sometimes that I’m an “adult” now (not sure I really am but I pretend to be), I have come to truly appreciate the art of finding joy in little pockets.
So many hours of the day are spent at work, which is a reality I STILL haven’t fully accepted. But with the freedom to spend all other hours doing as I please, paired with a slightly larger budget than a college student, I have found joy in so many experiences and pursuits that before I did not have the resources, freedom, or conviction to jump head first in and try.
Whether visiting the farmer’s market for fresh produce and cooking using a new recipe I’ve found, dropping in on a yoga class or trying boxing, being inspired to create random art projects, scouring antique markets for perfect apartment furnishings, exploring the street art glittering all over Houston, setting up a hammock in the park, trying bibimbap and pho, I am realizing that happiness isn’t something that you find. Happiness is right there inside when you wake up in the morning, and is still there inside of me when I lay my head down at night.
In my attempt to cultivate and take care of the happiness living inside of me, I’ve decided to share bits of sunlight with each of you. So join me on this journey and take a sip of sunlight!
